|—||Ten Word Poem #6 via (poemsbysmm)|
|—||addiction (via pillsand-coffee)|
I came home for a week and I keep telling myself you’re out of town and there’s no possible way I can contact you, shit I even turned off my phone because it was too much
I need to stop myself from going to your house and seeing you, I miss you…
|—||i’m fucking addicted to you (via the-psycho-cutie)|
Let her know I’m here if she ever need me to be with her, as long as she knows I can never be with her.
I was going through my old notepad when I came across this note I wrote, although I never sent it to you I’m glad I can finally write about it without feeling any emotion. I refuse to let my past bitter me specially when I’m at the happiest point in my life.
I don’t know who I am anymore, as scary as it sounds I honestly don’t know… I’ve loved someone more than I could have ever imagined loving someone yet I never showed my emotions, when that person left my life I felt like my life turned upside down and seeing this person with someone else destroyed me… knowing I could have had that. What I had was so special to me it was something I should of not taken for granted, it was something I should of not played my games with, I should of known better to know that person was honestly without a doubt the perfect one for me those short months we spent that summer 2012 was far from what I’ve ever experienced it was my 2012 love and the worst heartbreak I’ve ever experienced. I remember when we went to a family party together, I met everyone and at that moment I felt like we were actually official, we were sitting with our feet on the pool when you decided to pick me up and jump in, we quickly came up and at that point we were so nervous but you still kissed me… it was a simple peck but to us it was the greatest thing. We talked for hours without getting annoyed of each other, all those inside jokes, the time I cooked for you, long phone calls every night, waiting days to see each other again, the way we looked at each other, how we didn’t have to say a word but we knew exactly what we were feeling, it was so much, the way you were with words, the way your touch would suddenly soothe everything that was happening around me … I could remember that Aug night like it was just yesterday, before i could even say hi you asked me one question, that one question that might have changed EVERYTHING including you walking out, you asked if I loved you, and i took one breath and said i don’t know when clearly i knew i loved you I had the chance to change your mind but instead my pride seemed more important than you… I messed up and you let me feel every ounce of regret I had. You made a fool out of me there wasn’t a night were I didn’t text you apologizing for the mistake I did. I wanted to drown in alcohol because I wanted to be numb, without you days felt like forever, you’ve sat in my head for so long I haven’t even realized how much time has past, time has passed and we are both in different worlds. All I hope is that I’m on your mind whenever you feel lonely. I know longer am in love with you, it took almost 3 years to forget you and to fall out of love I don’t think of you the way I use to in fact you don’t haunt me anymore or hurt me, saying your name no longer hurts me, I’m with someone new and this person is very different because for the first time I can say that if you were to come in you wouldn’t interfere with my relationship. It’s true I was with you less than her and somehow the love I had for you was so much more, but I can also say that after you it taught me to never play with someone who I wouldn’t want to loose. She’s so much different than you, we argue, we annoy each other, its not perfect but we make it work everyday. It’s definitely not easy but she gives me hope. I know you would agree with her when I say I give up as soon as it gets hard just because I hate complicated things specially relationships, but she’s changed that, if there ever comes a point were I loose her I want it to be after I gave everything I had. I love her maybe in my own different way, but I care for her and I would hate to bring her pain, I want to keep her safe and from anyone. I want to keep her happy…. My 2012 love I’m glad I met you, I’m glad for those few months of happiness, for those photographs we have those are the one evidence of our love, I hope not only can I keep loving her my own way but one day I love her just like how much I loved you or even more. I know longer hate you because we didn’t work out, I’m finally content.. I can finally say my mind and heart are in the same place and it’s not with you anymore its with her, I belong to her now. I can finally say your name without it affecting me in any form, Thank you for everything for the love and happiness we shared, I’m glad I was with you for those months. I have NOW completely erased you and i couldn’t be anymore happy. I hope you become the lawyer you wanted to be and have a family of 2 just like you planned.